Michelle Obama. Carrie Underwood. Beyoncè. Meghan Markle.

These are just four of the many prominent women who have spoken publicly about having had a miscarriage. It’s helping to break down the long-standing taboo around early pregnancy loss.

These open, honest conversations are truly important. Speaking about miscarriage in hushed tones can make it seem like a thing to be ashamed of. 

Consider the typical advice—from friends, family, and doctors alike— that you shouldn’t go public with your pregnancy until you’ve hit the 12th week, after which the risk of miscarriage decreases. While it’s up to any woman when she wants to share her pregnancy news, this “you don’t want anyone to know you had a miscarriage” thinking perpetuates the idea that miscarriage is something to be hidden. 

Quietness also allows myths to flourish. While miscarriage has come out of the shadows more than in the past, it can still be a topic of non-conversation in many communities. The many miscarriage misconceptions can marginalize the emotional impact on a person or couple experiencing it. 

So let’s talk about miscarriage, and clear up some of the myths that continue to circulate. Hopefully, having a clearer picture and knowing there are people who see you can provide a bit of solace.

Myth: Miscarriage is uncommon 

Bzzzzz! Not true. Miscarriage is very common. Up to one in four known pregnancies end in miscarriage, with 80% occurring before the twelfth week. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) accounts for up to 5% of lost pregnancies. 

The word “miscarriage” is when a pregnancy is lost unexpectedly before the 20th week. If you have no health conditions, your risk of miscarriage declines each week you are pregnant. Pregnancy loss occurring after 20 weeks is called stillbirth and affects less than 1% of pregnancies per year.

Myth: I did something that caused my miscarriage

Many women blame themselves for having a miscarriage. But in most cases, it was likely a random event that could not be controlled. 

"Early pregnancy loss is commonly caused by a genetic abnormality or mismatch that does not make it viable for the pregnancy to continue,” says Lauren M. Beasley, M.D., an obstetrician-gynecologist in Raleigh, North Carolina. “It is not due to stress or any of the woman’s actions. There is nothing she could have done differently.” Things like having sex and physical activity, she stresses, also do not cause miscarriages. 

Chromosomal abnormalities (or genetic problems) account for up to 70% of miscarriages in the first trimester. When the embryo gets the wrong number of chromosomes, it usually occurs by chance versus being a condition passed from parent to child through genes.    

Other medical issues that could contribute to a miscarriage include:

• Uterine and cervical problems
• Uncontrolled conditions such as diabetes and hypertension
• Thyroid disease
• Hormonal problems
• Extreme variations in weight

It's worth noting that some controllable health factors that may increase the risk of miscarriage include smoking, drinking alcohol, and any recreational drug use.

Myth: If you've miscarried once, odds are you will miscarry again

Having a miscarriage does not mean that it will happen again. Up to 87% of women who have miscarried will go on to have normal pregnancies in the future. Research shows that only 1% of women will have a repeat miscarriage (the loss of two pregnancies in a row). And, in fact, after one miscarriage, the risk of having a miscarriage in a future pregnancy is 20%—which is actually lower than the general miscarriage rate.

Unfortunately, however, multiple miscarriages can increase the chance of having another. After two consecutive miscarriages, the risk of miscarriage climbs to 28%. After three or more consecutive miscarriages, the risk of future miscarriage rises to 43%.

After two miscarriages, it’s important to see your doctor for a thorough physical exam. They may want to order some genetic tests, which are blood tests that detect hormonal issues or immune deficiencies. They may also want to get imaging via a pelvic ultrasound to check for uterine problems. 

Myth: Vaginal bleeding in the first trimester is a sure sign of a miscarriage

It’s true that early bleeding could be a sign of miscarriage—emphasis on the “could be.” Bleeding during the first trimester can have many causes and does not always mean you are miscarrying. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), 15% to 25% of first-trimester bleeding is not related to a miscarriage.

Here are a couple non-miscarriage reasons for light bleeding or spotting in early pregnancy:

• May occur when the fertilized egg implants into the lining of the uterus. This usually happens one to two weeks after fertilization.
• Can happen after sex, a Pap smear, or pelvic exam. This bleeding may be due to more blood vessels developing in the cervix, making it more sensitive to activity.

"Bleeding in early pregnancy is common,” says Dr. Beasley, “but I would want to visit with my patients with any bleeding they may experience to make sure there are no other concerns, as well as to ease their mind." 

Myth: You have to wait to conceive after having a miscarriage

Some seem to think it’ll be six months to a year before they can start trying again. But the wait is typically much shorter. Generally, it is recommended that you hold off on vaginal sex for one to two weeks after miscarrying to reduce the risk of infection. (For that matter, avoid placing anything in your vagina—tampons, menstrual cups—during this time.)

Physically, you can ovulate and get pregnant as soon as two weeks following an early miscarriage. Once your period is back, the only other reason to wait is if you’re not feeling up for it emotionally. 

“As long as you are emotionally ready, there is no medical need to wait to try again,” says Dr. Beasley. "Research has shown that after one normal cycle following a miscarriage, outcomes are better.”

Myth: Any grief you feel should go away quickly

A lot of miscarriage grief goes unrecognized or gets minimized. Especially when it happens very early on. People don’t always understand the hopes and dreams tied into a pregnancy, no matter how soon it is. But research shows that women frequently experience grief and distress after a miscarriage.

This can last from a few weeks to even years later. Many people get diagnosed with depression or anxiety, as well. With recurrent miscarriages, the psychological impact tends to be more severe and last for a longer time. 

All this said, remember that people deal with miscarriage and grief differently. For some, the loss from a miscarriage can be difficult to talk about. Having a positive, happy life event suddenly turn into a traumatic experience might be something you don’t want to revisit. Others might feel relief if they had been worrying that something was off with their pregnancy. 

However you feel is normal. Not everyone will handle loss in the same way. And that’s ok. If you’re not sure how you’re feeling or how to move forward, give your doctor a call. They can guide you to more resources.

Healing After Miscarriage

Your body may recover before your emotions do. Give yourself time, compassion, and grace.

• Allow yourself to feel how you feel without judgment. Whatever you feel is a normal reaction to the loss you’ve experienced.   
• Consider talk therapy. Speaking about your miscarriage can help you understand and accept the loss. 
• Find a support group. Being with and hearing from others going through the same thing can help you feel less alone.